Friday, November 14, 2008

Late Night/Early Morning Musings

I'm up and full of thoughts, so bear with me :)

I have always been facinated by these early morning hours. Maybe that's why I'm such a night owl - so I can stay up and enjoy these times. I was sitting in our room looking out the window trying to figure out what keeps me up until the dawn breaks. I think it's because I get the feeling that the world is as uncomfortable as I am. It doesn't know whether it is morning or the middle of the night. As I watch the sky change colors, I feel like it is okay to be uncomfortable with myself because the world is uncomfortable, too. Does that make sense to anyone but me? Who knows. Maybe it's just that I need some sort of justification for being 23 and not having more figured out. There are certain truths I know: God made me and everything around me, and someday He'll take me home to be with Him, and Dan is the one He created for me and I am never meant to be with another. But there is so much I am unsure of, like what am I supposed to do with my life? I don't want all the answers. Honestly, I don't. But I want to figure out enough about myself to be comfortable with me. That sounds odd even as I write it. I'm sure some would be suprised to know I am so uncomfortable, and I wonder, how can that be? Can I be someone who is unsure of themself and someone who people think has it together? Do I have parts of both in me and just don't realize it? Maybe I just think too much. Ha. Now I'm thinking about thinking too much. Ah, the life on an introvert.
For now I think I'll go back to staring out the window with nothing to listen to except the soundtrack in my head and the snoring of a handsome man. I can't think of anything that sounds better.

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